What do people say about “Our Main Man?”

I found this in print, so it must be true, right? I mean… after all… it was in “black and white!” It was right there, staring at me, from inside the magazine! It had pictures and everything! 😉

Here we go…

Lexx has been very busy since he penned his first #1 International hit.

(Well, it COULD happen!) Okay, maybe not…

This guy was born with a guitar in his hands and “high energy” licks coming out of his ears. He has more riffs than the Grand Canyon, and skills to rival Stevie or Carlos…

We’re talking about a guy who has been in the studio since he was in puberty, and he’s played with just about every “power band” since time began. A look at his resume will take even the casual on-looker a journey from “Ambrosia,”  and “Jeff Beck” to ” that Zappa character.” We’re talking about enough albums to fill a record store, and cover every wall with “Gold Records.”

Talk to any record exec, and he’ll tell you;

“We’re talking about a kid who had to rock, because he rolls like that! But if he wasn’t playin’, he was fighting, and any good guitar player will tell you that banging up your hands isn’t a good idea, if you’re trying to make a living!”

Looking at the compilation of songs he has played, and (gasp!) written, one can see he has always been a talent worth watching (because actually listening to him will hurt your ears)! But, his music reaches across genres and continues to this day to impress Industry Executives and Recording Artists.

(Actually, it’s their foot that does the impressing, usually into Lexx’s behind, trying to propel him off the property!)

Lexx’s songwriting talent developed as he grew up outside of New York City.

(Okay, to be precise, Santa Ana, CA. Which I’ll point out is technically “outside” New York City.)

He began singing and performing at the age of 5, and as an an outlet for his emotions and feelings, began writing songs at the age of 13.

As an outlet for his parents, they confined him to the garage, thus forming his first “garage band.”

He knew he wanted a career in music and creative writing, so he formed a band in jr. high school that performed at small clubs. Actually, people threw small clubs at them… and bottles, and rocks, and other assorted flotsam and jetsam…

While still in high school, Lexx played with Elton John, Peter Frampton, Blue Oyster Cult, Foghat, Billy Squier, Rod Stewart, David Bowie, Tina Turner, and many other pillars of the rock world.

Lexx went on to college (in other states so that people wouldn’t know who they were, by reputation), where he majored in readin’, writing, and rhythm.

(He passed two of those. Guess which two?)

While there, he played in a hard rock, top 40 band, often performing on the road. “Traveling around with 5 guys, 8 stoned groupies,  a stolen truck full of stolen sound equipment, and a briefcase full of heroin was a great and crazy experience”, says Lexx.

(The authorities disagreed with him! They called it; “A string of felonies.”)

Landing in Los Angeles at age 19 (due to some confusion about the validity of an airline ticket), Lexx formed and fronted another band that performed his artsy/alternative “performance art” styled originals, that were more true to his heart. He soon found himself having success as a songwriter, as A&R Reps. especially liked his song and dance.

(If you believe anything that “A”rresting and “R”estraining Representatives of law enforcement agencies have to say…)

Lexx’s band – “Voices Once Silenced”  a plutonium-fueled rock band, is generally held to be not only the loudest rock band in the Galaxy, but in fact the loudest noise of any kind at all!

Regular concert goers judge that the best sound balance is usually to be heard from within large concrete bunkers some thirty-seven miles from the stage, whilst the musicians themselves play their instruments by remote control from within a heavily insulated spaceship which stays in orbit around the planet – or more frequently around a completely different planet.

Their songs are on the whole very simple and mostly follow the familiar theme of boy-being meets girl-being beneath a silvery moon, which then explodes for no adequately explored reason.

Many worlds have now banned their act altogether, sometimes for artistic reasons, but most commonly because the band’s public address system contravenes local strategic arms limitations treaties.

This has not, however, stopped their earnings from pushing back the boundaries of pure hypermathematics, and their chief research accountant has recently been appointed Professor of Neomathematics and Finance at MIT, in recognition of both his General and his Special Theories of “Voices Once Silenced” Tax Returns, in which he proves that the whole fabric of the space-time continuum is not merely curved, it is in fact totally bent.

Soon, he was invited to New York City (really, this time) by Nile Rodgers (of Chic fame and producer of such artists as MADONNA and DAVID BOWIE), to collaborate and write the #1 chart topping hit for Alex Conster’s, “CONSTER-NATION”.

It was an International hit that set up his reputation as a songwriter, and he hasn’t stopped. Lexx has since written songs that have been on the charts in the United States and throughout the world.

(Okay, so they were evidence recorded on Medical Charts, to be used by enterprising lawyers, in upcoming litigation, concerning “increasing loud and harmful decibel” noises…)

He has also written extensively while watching TV and Film.

Utilizing his business savvy, Lexx started his own publishing company, SNAKE OIL SONGS, and has gone on to plagiarize… um… er… collaborate with many musicians, songwriters, producers, and other industry executives. He excels at the “business” aspect of the music world, and enjoys punishing, er… publishing his own songs and running a company.

(Into the ground.)

He is often asked to speak at seminars on the life of an “independent songwriter/producer and music publisher.”  He is well versed on publishing issues, both domestic and international, and also on issues regarding music in TV and Film. “I enjoy doing these seminars and giving back. I think upcoming artists, writers and producers are better served by knowing what’s going on in the business around them,” says Lexx.

“Plus, that way I get first shot at ’em!”

(After all, who better to teach musicians about crooked producers, than a crooked producer? Hmmm?)

Today, along with his other passions, Lexx enjoys developing and taking advantage of new artists. He loves writing the songs, or taking their songs and arranging the music around them from a simple guitar or piano vocal, and building them up into great self-aggrandizing productions.

Lexx feels very lucky to make a living doing what he loves.

He also feels very fortunate to be doing it from outside prison walls.

God Bless America! (And any other country that has “applicable” extradition laws… 🙂

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So after reading all of this, what have you learned?

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The moral of the story is:

  1. Don’t take yourself too seriously!
  2. Nobody cares about your “fragile little ego!”
  3. Shut Up, and Play Your Guitar!

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2 responses

26 02 2009
Ashish

Lexx went on to college (in other states so that people wouldn’t know who they were, by reputation), where he majored in readin’, writing, and rhythm.

(He passed two of those. Guess which two?)
I’ll bet on Writing and rhythm. I’m still firm that you can’t read. Mwahahahaha.

31 03 2009
knowledgetoday

I love your site. Keep it up !

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